Step To Their Side

In William Ury's book Getting Past No, he explains we need to overcome the other side's negative emotion by stepping to their side. Disarming the other person's hostile emotion is accomplished through a surprise maneuver...doing the opposite of what they expect. "If they are stonewalling, they expect you to aply pressure; if they are attacking, they expect you to resist." Stepping to their side removes the adversarial nature of the situation and to do this you must...

• listen--A character in a novel by Andre Gide stated, "Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens, we have to keep going back and beginning all over again." Paraphrase and ask for corrections.



• acknowledge--using phrases such as "You have a point there" or "I know exactly what you mean" or "I understand what you're saying" doesn't mean you are agreeing with them. If appropriate, offer an apology. Be careful! Your tone and body language must line up with your acknowledgement.



• agree--Look for points to agree on and state your views without provoking. Rather than saying "Yes, but..." say Yes, and..."

Stepping to the other side does not mean giving in. It demonstrates your earnest desire to create a climate for joint problem solving.

Scroll to the bottom of this page and click on the strand for "Joint-problem solving" to see other helpful tips related to this topic. Hope it helps!