One of the most difficult aspects of being a special education teacher is having to sometimes lead confrontational IEP meetings. Rather than viewing these meetings as a negotiation attempt, I try to frame the process as joint problem-solving. One of the most helpful books I have read is called Getting Past No by William Ury. He describes this joint problem-solving as "soft on the people, hard on the problem." Going into those types of meetings with an agenda (it helps keep the team on track) and thorough preparation is essential, but having an understanding of what may hinder a successful outcome may also prove beneficial. According to Ury, there are five barriers to cooperation:
- Your reaction. As humans, we naturally feel like striking back in confrontational situations. Or, sometimes we feel like it may just be easier to give in and preserve the relationship. This just "perpetuates the action-reaction cycle that leaves both sides losers."
- Their emotion. The other side's ability to listen may be blocked by fear, distrust, anger, hostility, etc.
- Their position. The other side may believe there is no other way to negotiate than to get you to give in. Joint problem-solving requires that both sides listen for understanding and work toward a solution.
- Their dissatisfaction. The other side may turn down your idea just because it is yours. "Even if you can satisfy their interests, they may fear losing face if they have to back down."
- Their power. The other side may view the only outcome as win-lose. "If they can get what they want by power plays, why should they cooperate with you?"
Joint problem-solving requires identifying and breaking down barriers to cooperation.
Here is the hook....keep reading my posts for more on this subject.
1 comment:
I like the comments and suggestions of the book. I was recently in a meeting that began stressful for the parent and even more-so for the student. One of the first things I do is speak low and try to calm the parent down by apologizing for having to "inconvenience" them. Even though we know they should be interested in what is happening in the life of their child. Secondly, don't let the parent see that you too might be stressed, this allows them to think they are the ones in control. Third, if need be remain standing during the initial part of the meeting. Not only does this allow you to see and gain the attention of all participants but it also allows you to manage the meeting and begin moving forward with the issues that need to be addressed. Thank you for those excellent thoughts.
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