In William Ury's book Getting Past No, he explains a third barrier to joint-problem solving: the other sides's positional behavior (i.e., taking a stance and determining they are going to get the other side to give in). Oftentimes, the natural response to positional behavior is advancing our own positions which often leads nowhere. Ury suggests...
- Treat your opponent like a partner--accept their point of view and reframe it as an opportunity for joint problem-solving.
- Identify interests and invent creative options
- Ask open-ended questions like "Why do you want to do that?", "Help me understand the problem you are trying to solve.", "Why not do it this way?" and "What if we tried it like this?" (be mindful of your body language, tone, facial expressions)
- Ask for the other side's advice
According to Ury, "The way to change the game is to change the frame."
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